now what?

i'm starting feel that old familiar feeling, or the lack of feeling. when the day dims to night and the days melt into each other. when i feel, in the distance, all the horrible things that i have somehow managed to avoid or was spared from, begin to lean towards my direction. it's aware of me now, it knows with certainty now that every course and turn brings me closer to it. i'm scared. i'm scared that it will crush me.