the presence of absence

it's been many years since i have visited them at their homes or they in mine and i wonder if they still think of me. perhaps when they happen upon a gift that i had given them for their birthday or a gift given to their child, does it give them pause to think of me at that place and am i once again real? maybe during a conversation at a dinner party, when the conversation with out intention recalls an occasion in which i had played a role, will that give them reason to recall my face, my actions, and maybe, just maybe who i was till then. i have changed my number so many times, moved here and there. forgive me for i could not ask you, friends, for the patience required by a person such as myself, someone so willing to fall away. of all the lessons that life has to teach, the lesson of being alone is the most difficult for me to learn...